I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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