I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize