God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
