I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
