Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
