i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
