We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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