No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
