nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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