Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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