He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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