Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
