yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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