I have demons in me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sorry about my life...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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