Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am puke
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
