if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
