im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
