I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
