Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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