So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
