I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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