Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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