I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
