summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
