You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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