I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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