Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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