Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
