I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
