Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
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No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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