i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
