What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
