Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
