lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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