she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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