weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
