what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
