I haven't been this sober since birth.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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