is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude i'm inner monologue high
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
