there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Randomize
