I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
