like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
