fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize