why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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