I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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