arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
