Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
