Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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