Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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