you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
