Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
