so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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