so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
