I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
