I wish I could teleport
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
