That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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