I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
