I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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