I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
