Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
