I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
