You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
