this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
