sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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