I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
