I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
