Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
